and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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