She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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