I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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