just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
