We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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