The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
