to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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