Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
