yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
