Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
