its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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