I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
