He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
