Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
