Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
