I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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