i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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