Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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