tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize