Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
