Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
