I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
