if you like me you must not know who I am
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
