Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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