K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
