Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
