You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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