You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
