she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize