I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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