I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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