Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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