Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
