i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
