the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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