I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
