You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
