i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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