I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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