I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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