please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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