I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
