if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
