Can Purell be used as lube?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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