I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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