I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
