i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
