my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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