when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
