Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
