OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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