Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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