all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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