Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
