We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize