Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I puked a lego.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.

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(352): View more from Florida

I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy

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(925): View more from California

Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.

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(303): View more from Colorado

You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?

(720): View more from Colorado

Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.

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(626): View more from California

obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that

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(701): View more from North Dakota

The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.

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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage

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