i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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