I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
