She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
