I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
