So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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