It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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