Moan for me like Helen Keller
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
