Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
