Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
