be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
